Hello Little Monsters Reusable Food Pouches Giveaway! (Plus Apple Pie Baby Food Recipe)

Special thank you to Hello Little Monsters for sponsoring this post. Disclosure: This post includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Hello Little Monsters Reusable Food Pouches Giveaway | Organic Apple Pie Baby Food Recipe | via The Crispy MamaAfter seeing one too many moldy baby food pouch horror stories (yuck!), I decided that store bought food pouches weren’t for us and I would just make all of Liam’s food myself instead. While I enjoy making his food (it’s so easy and so much cheaper), sometimes bringing the food, the bib, the spoon, and all of the other paraphernalia with us on-the-go just isn’t an option. When I discovered these Hello Little Monsters Reusable Food Pouches, I was sold. Then they came in the mail and I was sold all over again. They’re a great size, easy to fill, and they’re dishwasher safe (major mom-win!). The Little Monster buddies on the front of the pouches are fun and brightly colored. I gave Liam an empty pouch to play with while I filled another with food and he was having a ball playing with it and looking at the monsters.

I whipped up some Apple Pie Baby Food and was able to pour it straight from the pouch to the bowl. We gave them a try and Liam was seriously into it. He tends to get really impatient when eating with a spoon because I can’t get the food from the bowl to his mouth fast enough for him. The pouches totally eliminate that problem. The food is readily available to him as quickly as he would like it (which is pretty quick, the boy doesn’t mess around when it comes to food). He made quite a mess with it, but that isn’t really a problem for me. I always strip him down before feeding him. I try to encourage him to have fun while eating and to be independent, and that tends to get pretty messy with or without a spoon. The Double Zipper closure on the pouch was easy for me to open and close, but not so easy that his little fingers could open it.

Hello Little Monsters Reusable Baby Food Pouch Review And Giveaway | Organic Apple Pie Baby Food Recipe | via The Crispy Mama

The final test was the most important test for me. The cleaning test. For the sake of science, I chose to was one pouch in the dishwasher and one by hand. The verdict is that both ways work great. The whole bottom of the pouch opens up, making them easy to get into by hand without the need for a special bottle brush. I worried that in the dishwasher, the pouch would close itself and not get clean on the inside, or that the heat from the dishwasher would ruin it. I could not have been more wrong. It came out spotless and still in perfect condition.

We brought one of the pouches on-the-go to Maw Maw’s house. It didn’t bust open in the diaper bag and the cap stayed tight. He still loved eating from it, and Maw Maw was ever-so-impressed with how cute and convenient they were.

Sound like something you need for your little one? You’re in luck! I have one set of six Hello Little Monsters Reusable Food Pouches to give away to one of YOU! To enter, head over to my Instagram page, like the giveaway photo, and follow me. For extra entries, you can tag a friend (one name per comment), like my Facebook page, or repost the photo (just be sure to tag me in the photo so I can find it!). The winner must have their Instagram profile set to public at the time of the giveaway, be at least 18 years of age, and live in the Continental United States. The giveaway ends Sunday, April 2 at 11:59 pm CST. (Note that this giveaway is in no way sponsored by or endorsed by Instagram or Facebook.)

That Apple Pie Baby Food mentioned earlier sound good? I thought so too. I’ve mentioned my love of pie before. I seriously have a birthday pie every year instead of a birthday cake. As one of those weird people who finds cake and icing disgusting, pie is where it’s at for me. One of my favorites has always been some good ol’ homemade apple pie. Mmmm. It always reminds me of Thanksgiving at my parent’s house. After having a craving for some apple pie last week, I was eager to find a way to make something similar for Liam with no added sugar. Apples are always a hit with him and Apple Pie was no different. Check the recipe out below!

Apple Pie Baby Food


  • 2 apples (I used 1 Granny Smith and 1 Honeycrisp)
  • 2-3 tsp prepared Baby Oatmeal
  • 1/2 inch peeled fresh ginger
  • pinch cinnamon
  • pinch nutmeg
  • pinch cloves
  • water as needed for consistency


Peel and chop apples into chunks and steam. You can steam on the stove top, using a steamer, or in the microwave. I microwave them in a bowl with a splash of water for about 3 minutes. Meanwhile, prepare Baby Oatmeal. Add apples and Baby Oatmeal to blender with ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and water. Blend to desired consistency (we still go for very smooth purees, but will go chunkier as Liam gets older). Check the temperature, spoon or pour into a Hello Little Monsters Reusable Food Pouches and serve.

Do you like food pouches for on the go feeding? Did your little one love Apple Pie Baby Food? Share in the comments, and don’t forget to enter the giveaway!


The Crispy Mama

The Perfect Morning Latte (Without A Fancy Espresso Machine)

How To Make The Perfect Morning Latte (Without a Fancy Espresso Machine) Using a French Press and a Mason Jar | via The Crispy Mama

Call me “basic” but I love Starbucks. A regular old cup of coffee at home just doesn’t compare. The coffee isn’t as strong, the milk isn’t as “foamy”, it doesn’t have that vibe. While I am a loyal Starbucks customer, with the Gold Status membership to prove it, sometimes I really can’t justify spending up to $6 on a latte (no matter how perfect and delicious it may be). I also have to wake up before sunlight Starbucks hours for work (yeah, it’s as early as you’re imagining). When that is the case and I can’t get my fix, I break out my trusty old French Press and a mason jar and whip up one of these bad boys.

How To Make The Perfect Morning Latte (Without a Fancy Espresso Machine) Using a French Press and a Mason Jar | via The Crispy Mama

You’ll need a standard French Press coffee maker, a Mason Jar (or other microwave safe container with a lid), ground coffee (I am and forever will be a loyal Community Coffee drinker, as any self-respecting southerner is), cinnamon, salt, and your milk of choice. Note that the type of milk that you choose may affect your “foaminess level”. Some milks that contain no fat or too much fat don’t create as much foam as others. I use four scoops (tablespoons) of coffee for every eight ounces of water, but you can adjust this to your liking. I like “fire station coffee”, as my dad always called it, that is so strong you can almost stand the spoon up in it. Seriously, I want it to be borderline sludgey (none of that Keurig garbage here!). Anyways, scoop your desired amount of coffee into the bottom of the French Press along with a sprinkle of cinnamon and a pinch salt (Pro Tip: Salt cuts the bitterness of coffee. This works in a regular coffee maker too!). Bring water to a boil either on the stove or in the microwave. Remove the water from heat and allow it to cool a little bit. Meanwhile, pour your desired amount of milk (soy, almond, 2%, whatever your jam is) into a mason jar and screw the lid on really tight. Make sure the jar that you choose leaves plenty of head room for the milk. It will expand and you don’t want it to overflow in your microwave. You and I both know that if it does, you will forget that it spilled, leave it there, it will be sticky, it will stink, suddenly you’re crying, everyone is crying, the microwave is on fire, and no one is happy. So yeah, make sure the jar is big enough.

How To Make The Perfect Morning Latte (Without a Fancy Espresso Machine) Using a French Press and a Mason Jar | via The Crispy Mama

Now shake the shit out of it. I mean really go to town. Shake it really vigorously for about a minute. Is it foamy yet? No? Keep going. When you’re satisfied with the foaminess level, TAKE THE LID OFF (seriously do not put metal in the microwave, kids) and stick it in the microwave for about 30 seconds. This will warm the milk up and make the foam “stick” together.

How To Make The Perfect Morning Latte (Without a Fancy Espresso Machine) Using a French Press and a Mason Jar | via The Crispy Mama

While your milk is foaming it up in the microwave, pour your hot water water over the coffee grounds in your French Press, put the lid on, but DO NOT push the plunger (gross, but the proper name for it) down. Wait it out for about 5 minutes, depending on how “fire stationey” you want it. When the time is up, push the plunger (ew) down slowly. If you push it down too fast, you’ll end up with little coffee grounds in your cup. Yuck. Pour the coffee in a cup and pour the perfectly foamy milk over the top. Sprinkle with more cinnamon and try to chug it before your kid wakes up.

Are you a Starbucks addict, too? More of a tea kind of gal? Share in the comments.


The Crispy Mama

Zucchini Bread Baby Food Recipe

Homemade Organic Zucchini Bread Baby Food Puree Recipe | via The Crispy Mama

Disclosure: This post includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Over the past week, I’ve been trying to find fun new ways to introduce some of the vegetables into Liam’s baby food that he had already tried, but didn’t particularly care for. One of those vegetables was zucchini. The first time he had it, he made a sour face the whole time he was eating (but he kept eating it, little trooper… ha!). To be honest, I feel him. Plain zucchini, steamed with absolutely no seasoning? Blah. Don’t get me wrong, I love some good stir fried, crispy baked, or “zoodleized” zucchini, but soggy plain stuff, pureed into oblivion? No thanks. Since bananas are one of his favorite foods of all time (again, I feel him), I mixed some in with his zucchini, and threw in a little bit of baby oatmeal for good measure and good naps. I added a pinch of cinnamon to keep things interesting, tasted it, and I swear I had a slice of homemade Zucchini Bread in my mouth.

I stripped Liam down (ain’t nobody got time for laundry), strapped him up in his highchair, and we gave it a try. He tore it up. That hungry little guy ate about a half a cup of the stuff, which is easily three times as much as he normally eats. He also took a three hour nap afterwards (shout out, oatmeal!). You can read how to make your own baby oatmeal in this post.


  • 1 zucchini
  • 1 banana
  • 1 tsp baby oatmeal
  • 3 tsp water
  • pinch cinnamon


Cut ends off zucchini and steam or boil until soft. Cut banana into chunks and add to blender. Add cooked zucchini and a little bit of water (or cooking water). Add a small pinch of cinnamon (less is more!) and blend until smooth. In a microwave safe container, stir together baby oatmeal and water. Microwave about 30 seconds. Combine with as much zucchini-banana-cinnamon puree as desired. Stir well. Test temperature on your wrist or lip before serving.

Does your baby say yay or nay to zucchini? What about Zucchini Bread Baby Food? Share in the comments.


The Crispy Mama

Baby’s First Easter Basket (From The Target Dollar Spot!)

Baby's First Easter Basket, filled with items from the Target Dollar Spot | via The Crispy Mama

Liam is still at that age where holidays, like Easter, don’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t know what’s going on, all he knows is there are a bunch of people around and they all want to hold him. He could really care less about Christmas presents or Easter baskets. Pretty much any holiday festivities are solely a formality and only for Mama and Dad’s benefit (hello, adorable holiday themed outfits). Because of all of this, it would be beyond silly for me to spend any more than a few bucks on an Easter basket for him. I thought, this sounds like a job for… The Target Dollar Spot (formally known as Heaven on Earth).

I absolutely cannot wait until the next Easter when we’ll be able to dye eggs, do an Easter Egg Hunt, tell him all about the Easter Bunny, and actually enjoy the things that are in his basket. I still have very distinct memories of my Easters as a little girl. My family and my sister’s best friend’s family would all spend our week off of school camping at the same campground, doing a big Easter Egg hunt with all of the other kids that were staying there, having a huge (and I mean huge) meal with everyone. I can’t wait to start making those memories all over again with my little Liam.

I am completely incapable of entering a Target store without thoroughly inspecting the Dollar Spot. It is a gift to all humans and I love it. This year’s Spring/Easter Dollar Spot items are pretty much all precious. From little pillows, to candle lanterns, to tiny buckets, to summer scarves, to wall decor, to ceramic bunnies, I was drooling in there. Luckily (for my bank account, anyways) Dad limited my time in there and dragged (I mean literally dragged) me away after a measly ten minutes. I did manage to snag the cutest Tassel Basket ($3), Stuffed Carrots ($3), Bunny Rattle ($3), and Chambray Bow Tie ($5). We can reuse the basket for a few years until he starts requiring larger items. The carrots and rattle are for him, and the bow tie is 100% for me (Ugh! So cute!). They also had some precious Sparkly Bunny Ears ($3) that would be perfect for little gals. I’ll probably throw in a banana and an avocado because those are his favorite foods. I plan to use some green tissue paper rather than Easter Grass because that stuff is the hardest thing to get rid of since glitter. I swear I’m still finding Easter Grass from when I was a kid. Who in the hell invented that stuff? I suspect Satan. I’ll be making another trip to The Spot this week in search of some cute stuff for our Baby’s First Easter Photo Shoot (post coming soon!). Hopefully, I can escape without going too overboard, but I won’t be holding my breath on that one. We also just got a brand new Dollar Store less than 1/4 of a mile from our house (yaaaasssss) so I’ll be scoping out the Easter stuff there too. Everyone wish me luck that I don’t go too crazy.

What did you get your kiddo for their First Easter? Share in the comments!


The Crispy Mama

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Carrot Cake Oatmeal Baby Food Recipe

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Homemade Organic Carrot Cake Oatmeal Baby Food Puree Recipe | via The Crispy Mama

Disclosure: This post includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Confession. I am one of those weird people who really doesn’t like cake at all. At weddings, I’m more interested in the buffet than the cake table.I usually have a “birthday pie” instead of a standard birthday cake because I feel that strongly about it. To me, cake is just way too sweet and doesn’t have any real flavor other than pure white sugar. One of the few exceptions to my anti-cake rule is Carrot Cake. It’s delicious, with spicy flavors and just a hint of sweetness. It usually has cream cheese icing, which is far superior to that nasty bright colored stuff that just tastes like sugar and chemicals. If I must subject myself to having a birthday cake, Carrot Cake is usually the winner.

When I make Liam’s baby food, it’s really important to me that it tastes good (and I mean actually good, not just “ehh it’s better than that nasty stuff in the jars” good). We tried carrots on their own and he wasn’t much of a fan. I feel you, buddy. Plain steamed carrots with nothing on them are decidedly not the bomb. I don’t plan to introduce added salt or sugar to him until his first birthday when he can have some (Carrot, obviously) cake. Since he adores bananas, I decided to mix the carrot puree that I had already made with some banana mash and see if he liked that more. It was a hit. Apparently, my kid is going to live on “fill in the blank” mixed with bananas for the rest of his life. I guess there could be worse things. 

Last week, we gave him his first oatmeal. I had mentioned before that we were holding off on grains until he had tried a variety of fruits and vegetables. With bananas, apples, carrots, zucchini, green beans, blueberries, spinach, and kale under our belt, I decided that it would be okay to introduce some oatmeal mixed in with these things. Long story short, he took the longest nap of his life after that meal. #foodcoma. So I tried to come up with some other ways to make oatmeal that would be both good and good for him. I looked at my freezer baby food inventory and came across the bananas and carrots that I had mentioned earlier. I decided to defrost one of those, mix it in with his oatmeal and a a pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg. I tried it and it was so good I wanted to make a bowl for myself. It seriously tastes just like carrot cake without icing (which is how all cake should be served because in my humble opinion, icing is gross). I plopped his little butt down in his highchair and gave him some and it was the biggest hit since applesauce (which was the biggest hit since Titanic). He ate most of the bowl that I made, which is about twice as much as he normally eats. We’ll definitely be putting this one into the rotation. You can read how to make the carrot-banana puree (along with several other Stage 1 purees) here. You can find out how to make your own Baby Oatmeal here, along with another oatmeal recipe for baby, and a smoothie recipe for mom here.

Note: I took Liam’s shirt off before giving him his first oatmeal. This meant less clean up for me, and that I could keep a close eye out for a possible reaction. For some people, hives show up first on the torso area, so it’s a good idea to look out for that.


The Crispy Mama

Multi-Tasking Meal: Banana Cinnamon Baby Oatmeal and Bananas Foster Mom Smoothie

Muti-Tasking Meal Banana Bread Baby Oatmeal & Bananas Foster Smoothie Recipe | via The Crispy Mama

Mornings with a little one are nothing short of hectic…ever. Wake up, eat, get dressed, get baby dressed, get barfed on, get dressed again, put baby’s shoes on, put baby’s shoes on again, and again, ohmygosh keep your damn shoes on, it’s been four hours, everyone is hungry again, baby is crying, you’re crying, someone help. Any way to streamline my morning routine is always very welcome. One simple way to do that is to whip up Mama and baby’s breakfast at the same time.

Smoothies make a great Mama breakfast. They’re quick to make, can be nutritious with the right ingredients, and are easy to take with you on the go. One of my all time favorite breakfast foods are Banana Nut Muffins. They are by far the king of the Muffin World. While those bad boys are delicious, they aren’t usually the most nutritious thing on the menu, especially the incredible ones at Starbucks or in the grocery store bakery. This smoothie recipe is almost as good as a muffin, with no added sugar, butter, or whatever else they put in those muffins to make them taste so damn good.

Note that these recipes contain bananas and oats, which some people may have a bad reaction to. If your little one hasn’t had bananas or oats yet, you’ll want to introduce them separately before trying them together. I always take Liam’s clothes off and leave him in just his diaper when trying new foods. Less clean up for me, and I can keep a close eye out for any reaction (ex. hives) that he may have to the food.

To make my own Baby Oatmeal, I get organic rolled oats, throw them in the blender, and pulse until it turns to a fine powder. Done. Piece of cake and cheaper than the pre-made stuff. Bananas are one of Liam’s favorites and he’ll eat pretty much anything mixed with them (seriously, he would probably eat Sweaty Gym Sock Banana Mash, no questions asked). He tends to have some tummy issues, so I worried that oats may be irritating, but they actually helped to get things moving through his digestive system. Anything that keeps his digestive system moving and doesn’t get spit back at me when I try to feed it to him is a hit in our book, and this recipe fits that bill.

Banana Cinnamon Baby Oatmeal


  • 1/2 banana
  • pinch cinnamon (less is more for sensitive little taste buds!)
  • 1 tbsp baby oatmeal (see above to make this yourself)
  • 2-3 tbsp water


Add baby oatmeal powder to water and stir well. Pop it in the microwave for about 30 seconds to thicken. Add to blender with banana and cinnamon and pulse until smooth. Check temperature on your wrist or lip before giving to baby.

Bananas Foster Smoothie


  • any leftover baby food
  • remaining 1/2 of banana
  • 1 cup soy, coconut, or almond milk
  • 3-4 pitted dates
  • 1/2 tsp dark brown sugar
  • 1 tsp coconut oil
  • 1 tbsp chia seeds


Blend it up, pour it in a cup, and try to chug it before your kid starts crying.

Disclosure: This post includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Muti-Tasking Meal Banana Bread Baby Oatmeal & Bananas Foster Smoothie Recipe | via The Crispy Mama

How do you streamline your morning routine? Do you have a go-to on the go breakfast? Share in the comments!


The Crispy Mama

4Moms bounceRoo- a.k.a The Greatest Bouncer Ever

This post includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!

Before Liam arrived, I registered for a bouncer. Turns out it was more of a rocker than a bouncer, but we still used it from time to time. One day while trying to put it away, I dropped it and broke it. We went a while without one and I didn’t really miss having one. He was really little when we first started using it and he didn’t really like to be in it for more than 10 minutes or so. Then I happened to find this 4Moms bouncer on sale for 50% off and decided “What the heck, I’ll give it a try.” It had great reviews and it was the style of baby product that I like (no obnoxious colors or crazy designs). It came in the mail a few days later and I popped him in it and he loooooved it. He sat in it for over an hour while I showered, got dressed, sat there and stared at him wondering how I ever did anything before I had this thing, drank my coffee… He get seriously tickled pink by the little mobile that is attached to the top. One side has colors and the other has high contrast pattens, which is great because based on baby’s age, their preferences will change. It also vibrates (it has different options for vibration pattern and intensity… fancy) which he seems to like. For full price, this thing is a lot more than what I would normally pay for a bouncer, but I’m so glad I found it on sale and got it. Now, he sits in it every morning while I get dressed and occasionally while I’m eating lunch or working on a post (like right now!). You can buy yours here (currently discounted, but prices may change).  I seriously dread the day that he outgrows this thing, because I’ve kind of come to rely on it when it comes to getting anything done around the house. Hey, 4Moms… Think you could start making bounceRoo’s up to adult sizes?

Anyone else obsessed with this bouncer? Share in the comments!


The Crispy Mama

Liam’s Nursery Tour

This includes affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission for items purchased through my blog, at no cost to you. All items advertised are items that I actually use and all opinions are 100% my own!
When we started buying stuff for Liam’s room, we mostly got things that went with the “vibe” of the rest of our house. Mostly muted grays and whites with dark furniture (all from Target) and maybe a navy accent here and there. Never once did it occur to me that we were supposed to have a “theme” until people started asking me what it was. “So what’s the theme of his room?” “Uhhh… Baby?” We ended up with some race car stuff, some outdoorsy stuff, some animal stuff, you name it. Though we don’t have a “theme” it all turned out so much nicer than I expected. We chose furniture that can be converted (changing table to standard dresser, crib to toddler bed, to daybed, to full bed) so he can use to for a long time (budget win!). The crib is pretty much for decoration because he sleeps with me, but I’m confident that he’ll sleep in it one day. Until then, it’s a great place to store pillows, stuffed animals, whatever else, at the moment.

We stuck a little reading nook in the corner for when he’s a little bigger. We read him bedtime stories every day and he really loves it, so I think that reading books in his little nook will be really fun for him. I made this Ruler Growth Chart (tutorial coming soon) for about $10 and I can’t wait to be able to mark his growth on it. We opted for sheer rather than blackout curtains to help prevent our little guy getting his days and nights mixed up. I got a great deal on them on Amazon (duh, everything is from Amazon).

This is the most comfortable chair of all time. I seriously would sleep in it voluntarily. It also shipped already assembled, which is a huge plus for me because my patience with little parts and pieces lasts about 15 seconds. We chose it because it has a higher back than most of the ones that we looked at, which is great for tall Daddies. 

I made these little Car Prints. They were incredibly easy, took all of 10 minutes, and look precious. All I did was search for “car scale images” on Google, found ones that I liked, printed, matted, and framed them. The frames were originally tacky brass that I spray painted to match the rest of the room. 

We created this collage wall all with items on sale at Hobby Lobby (HoLo is life!). We used a drawer organizer as a “garage” for toy cars and it turned out way cuter than expected. I love this little 3D bear too. 

I added cubby shelves from Target for toy storage, two lamps from story time (one from Hobby Lobby, one from a garage sale that I spray painted and replaced the shade) and a vintage glass water jug to use as his “piggy bank”.

What do you think of Liam’s nursery? Are you interested in seeing how I made his Ruler Growth Chart? Share in the comments!


The Crispy Mama

How My Party Girl Past Prepared Me For Motherhood

To say that I enjoyed my youthful single years would be putting it mildly. Not that I was totally out of control, but I certainly knew how to have a good time. You might think that a night out has nothing to do with raising a child, but you would be so incredibly wrong. All of the ways that my past as a “party girl” has made me way more prepared for motherhood that I would have been otherwise are as follows…

It’s 2 am and someone is barfing. It happens and it’s no biggie. I know how to clean it up quickly and I can get that smell out of anything. (Vinegar and baking soda for the smell, cat litter to clean it up on carpet, coffee grounds to clean it up on hard surfaces, y’all.)

Cold leftovers are king. I have learned to love cold pizza, Chinese, whatever the hell we had last night, almost more than hot food. Good thing, because who has the time to eat their food while it’s still hot?

Speaking of food, mealtime is often at 3 am. And a certain someone often passes out in the middle of eating this 3 am meal. Rookie.

We’re trying to get in the car and someone is crying and missing a shoe. Nothing to see here. Offer a treat to shut the crying up, find the shoe and toss it in the back seat, and hit the road. I look in the back and the same someone is squirming around and crying again and ohmygosh please be quiet for five more minutes we’re almost there. Finally he passes out and is quiet until we get home.

I have to carry this person everywhere that we go. Whatever. As long as we get where we’re going without anyone having a meltdown.

Being an overly exhausted mom is actually remarkably similar to being hungover. Thankfully, I discovered the no-fail hangover cure years ago, (glass of orange juice, two multi vitamins, two ibuprofen, large cup of coffee, large glass of water, preferably sparkling) and I am fully capable of dragging my throbbing head ass out of bed and starting the day.

Whoops! Someone peed their pants! No problem because I was prepared. Strip off the top layer of bed sheets (and the waterproof cover because I’ve been through this shit before and I am NOT doing laundry in the middle of the night again) revealing the clean, dry ones underneath and everyone goes back to bed.

I like the cheap wine. Good luck buying diapers and that $40 bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. The $10 bottle will work. Don’t lie. You can’t taste the difference and it gets the job done.

Kid’s toys are way too loud and the music sucks. Much like any bar after 10 pm.

Someone is having a meltdown and we have to leave early. Oh well. The outing was fun while it lasted. Homeward we go, possibly stopping for a snack along the way.

I know that the comfortable shoes always trump the cute ones. My patience is infinitely better when my feet aren’t killing me.

Sleeping on the floor, couch, in a chair, etc happens. Whatever. I gotta get that sleep where I can and I’m so tired that it doesn’t really matter to me anyways.

They say that kids are like little drunk adults and they aren’t lying. Luckily, their pukes are a lot smaller and they’re a lot easier to carry home when they pass out early. What’s your favorite “tiny drunk adult” story? Share in the comments!


The Crispy Mama


I Wish I Was As Thin As I Was The First Time That I Thought I Was Fat

Timehop sucks. You know that little thing that shows you those awful pictures from 2006 where you’re wearing a ridiculous outfit and blue eyeshadow? It’s the same thing that shows you the bikini picture from 2015 before you had a baby. Before you had stretch marks. Before your belly sagged a little bit over the waistband of your pants. Before your boobs got inflated and deflated again and now they almost touch your belly button. Before you had to suck it up and go buy the bigger pants. Before the bags under your eyes that persist no matter how much eye cream you apply. I look at this bikini picture and think back to the time when it was taken. Unfortunately enough, I guarantee you that, at the time that it was taken, I thought that I could stand to lose a few pounds. What I wouldn’t give just to be as thin as I was the first time that I thought I was fat. I look at the picture again and begin to list the things that I have now that I didn’t have then in my head.

  1. Stretch marks (on my thighs, hips, belly, boobs, probably other places that I can’t even see)
  2. Belly fat (though I would have begged to differ at the time)
  3. Saggy mom tits (hot)
  4. Under eye bags that make me look like a zombie (a zombie that could use a cup of coffee)
  5. My horrible chipped “Momicure” because who the hell has time to go to the nail salon anymore?
  6. Greasy hair because I didn’t have a baby that screamed at me every time I tried to take a shower
  7. Laugh lines on my face because I never smiled then as much as I do now.
  8. Badass biceps because carrying around my little chunk is a serious workout.
  9. An amazing man by my side, holding my hand.
  10. A beautiful, wonderful, precious, sweet, light of my life baby boy that has given me more purpose in life than I ever thought possible.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the things that totally don’t matter, sometimes. I would willingly take on take a million more stretch marks and 20 more pounds just to see the big goofy toothless smile that my son gives me every time that he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes when I see these old pictures, I tell my fiancé how sad and ugly that they make me feel. Every time, he looks at me like I’m crazy and I have three heads. He claims that he doesn’t even see the stretch marks that I’m talking about. I suspect that he is lying, but I love him even more for it. He reminds me that I made a human. That’s no easy feat, and there are bound to be some scars left over. It took me almost a year to gain this weight. It will probably take just as long, or longer, to lose it. The eye bags and wrinkles will never go away, but I’ll continue to apply the expensive skin serum and hope for the best. The point is, a million flat stomachs and full nights of sleep wouldn’t be worth giving up the ultimate happiness that I have found with my sweet boy. I could always do better when it comes to remembering that. In the meantime, I’m going to delete Timehop because it’s the devil.

Do you struggle with body confidence after having kids? Share something that makes you feel beautiful in the comments!

The Crispy Mama