I Wish I Was As Thin As I Was The First Time That I Thought I Was Fat

Timehop sucks. You know that little thing that shows you those awful pictures from 2006 where you’re wearing a ridiculous outfit and blue eyeshadow? It’s the same thing that shows you the bikini picture from 2015 before you had a baby. Before you had stretch marks. Before your belly sagged a little bit over the waistband of your pants. Before your boobs got inflated and deflated again and now they almost touch your belly button. Before you had to suck it up and go buy the bigger pants. Before the bags under your eyes that persist no matter how much eye cream you apply. I look at this bikini picture and think back to the time when it was taken. Unfortunately enough, I guarantee you that, at the time that it was taken, I thought that I could stand to lose a few pounds. What I wouldn’t give just to be as thin as I was the first time that I thought I was fat. I look at the picture again and begin to list the things that I have now that I didn’t have then in my head.

  1. Stretch marks (on my thighs, hips, belly, boobs, probably other places that I can’t even see)
  2. Belly fat (though I would have begged to differ at the time)
  3. Saggy mom tits (hot)
  4. Under eye bags that make me look like a zombie (a zombie that could use a cup of coffee)
  5. My horrible chipped “Momicure” because who the hell has time to go to the nail salon anymore?
  6. Greasy hair because I didn’t have a baby that screamed at me every time I tried to take a shower
  7. Laugh lines on my face because I never smiled then as much as I do now.
  8. Badass biceps because carrying around my little chunk is a serious workout.
  9. An amazing man by my side, holding my hand.
  10. A beautiful, wonderful, precious, sweet, light of my life baby boy that has given me more purpose in life than I ever thought possible.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the things that totally don’t matter, sometimes. I would willingly take on take a million more stretch marks and 20 more pounds just to see the big goofy toothless smile that my son gives me every time that he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes when I see these old pictures, I tell my fiancĂ© how sad and ugly that they make me feel. Every time, he looks at me like I’m crazy and I have three heads. He claims that he doesn’t even see the stretch marks that I’m talking about. I suspect that he is lying, but I love him even more for it. He reminds me that I made a human. That’s no easy feat, and there are bound to be some scars left over. It took me almost a year to gain this weight. It will probably take just as long, or longer, to lose it. The eye bags and wrinkles will never go away, but I’ll continue to apply the expensive skin serum and hope for the best. The point is, a million flat stomachs and full nights of sleep wouldn’t be worth giving up the ultimate happiness that I have found with my sweet boy. I could always do better when it comes to remembering that. In the meantime, I’m going to delete Timehop because it’s the devil.

Do you struggle with body confidence after having kids? Share something that makes you feel beautiful in the comments!

The Crispy Mama




  1. Love your humor girl! It is such an important issue to always be talking about I struggle with it more days than others but I understand it’s part of the process and it’s something beautiful. We have our little ones for evidence. Thanks for the share!!

  2. haha I was just thinking this when I looked at timehop the other day! But you are definitely right, all the flat stomachs in the world don’t even come close to the love I have for my baby boy =)

  3. Ugh loveeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I relate to this so so so much!!! Some days you really have to force feed yourself those pros instead of focusing on the cons!!!

  4. Ha ha…I love that you say Timehop is the devil. It really is! Except when it shows you the sweet pictures of when your now 7-year-old was that baby with the toothless grin. How does it all go by so fast?!

    1. We haven’t gotten there yet since my little guy is less than a year old! Lol so it’s still the devil for me. It’s crazy how time flies.

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